FRIDAY NIGHT FRIGHTS LIVEBLOG: Scream 4 (2011):”What’s Your Mostest Most Favorite-er Scary Movie (Ever)?”
And so more than ten years and an awesomely solid closer later, our old friend Mr. Craven decides he just has to poke his shriveled little pecker into the honey pot one more time. Ok I’ll admit, like a lot of people my age and older I was pretty excited to see this on opening weekend. As I mentioned before these movies were kind of like mini events when they were released at the tail end of the 20th century. This new entry promised “new rules” for a “new decade.” It was going to be fun to see what they’d cooked up and how they’d handle modern stuff like social media and the fact that newborns are issued cell phones fresh from the womb. And how about the way the horror landscape had shifted so incredibly since Scream 3? This movie’s got to deal with how those awful Saw movies had popularized torture porn, not to mention the whole found footage genre. I don’t know if it was my mood at the time or what, but I remember walking out of the theatre from this thing completely underwhelmed. But I’m giving it another shot today because for some reason this marathon sounded like a good idea. And even though we’re not gonna watch parts 5 and 6, I am nothing if not one stubborn completionist!
So let’s get it on Scream 4! Time to play a little ga-wait, wrong franchise.
- And the phone is ringing over the Dimension logo. What a nice little punch to the nostalgia nuts!
- What’s this? 2 minutes in and we’ve already got cell phones and Saw references happening? Ohh hohoho touche’, SCREAM 4.
- Ghost Face is sending text messages in this movie. I wonder if he’s a stickler for proper grammar.
i
- Hey it’s Veronica Mars and Rogue from the X-manses sporting some pretty heavy cleavage. I guess the opening scene we just watched was from Stab 6 which is what they’re watching on the couch right now.
- And VM just stabbed Rogue to death. I guess THAT was a scene from Stab 7 and we’re in another living room with a different pair of girls who were watching it. Y'know…I’m not thinking this makes any sense, actually.
- Aaaand we’re still in the first act and this movie is self referencing how lazy its own writing is. That’s a bit concerning.
- I’m going to point out real quick how I hate that they made the A in Scream a 4. It was cute when David Fincher did that with Se7en 50 years ago.
- Y'know Sid, I don’t have ice in my veins or anything. But going back to Woodsboro to make a public appearance promoting your book of survival on the to the day tenth anniversary of the murders from the first movie is kinda just you asking for it.
- Dewey’s cell phone ring is the theme from Beverly Hills Cop. Wes, these were the shitty horror movies you made in the 90’s not the 80’s you old fart.
-Hey, it’s that Hayden Christensen chick from Heroes sporting an intense menopause hairdo. What is WITH all of the awful hair throughout this series!?
- She’s picking up Julia Roberts Jr. and some other actress I’ve never seen or heard of for school. I wonder who’s gonna check out first? My money’s on not JRJR.
- If I were Courtney Cox I’d sue the pants off of the plastic surgeon that made her face look like a cat’s asshole.
- Enter new movie nerds. Complete with video headset and yep, you guessed it: TERRIBLE HAIR. Scream 3, I miss you already.
- The actor playing JRJR’s boyfriend is making Matthew Lillard look charismatic as Hell.
- So for some reason Gale seems jealous of Sid in this scene where she’s yapping about her book Out of Darkness. Is it because Sid didn’t pay someone to make her face look like it’s always about to take a shit?
- “Well, fuck me wow.”
- So far Hayden’s hair is the scariest thing in this movie.
- JRJR is really sleepwalking through this part. And what high school girl in 2011 has a poster of U2’s Joshua Tree in her room? This kinda thing happened in the first movie.
- They’re watching Sean of the Dead. Probably not a good idea to INTENTIONALLY make me want to watch something else. This kinda thing also happened in the first movie.
- Well after the breakthrough of the third entry, this movie is back to the bland drawn out attempts at tension from the second. Part 3 knew the series wasn’t scary anymore so it decided to lean into comedy with clever meta commentary and a bunch of compelling actors cast in interesting roles. I would take one of those things right now.
- And what’s this? Showing the girl’s guts hanging out isn’t shocking at all. Just poor taste. Didn’t one of the characters complain about modern horror movies doing stupid shit like that in the opening scene?
- Cute girl? Check. Darkened empty parking lot? Check. I wonder what happens next? Oh right. Check. This movie’s borrring.
- So the video head set is this script’s nod to the “found footage” genre of horror? I can see what the script is going for here I guess but have you ever caught anyone in your life wearing one of those things? It feels instantly dated.
- Y'know if this franchise really wanted to get “meta” they’d have someone liveblogging how shitty they are before getting murdered while writing up part foug,w3 =04mty3q6lo35. p[e35 .33.;’ll;;;l890o8988520000000000000hhhhhhl.0jio
